Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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