i permit you to call me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
