ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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