His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
