I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
