I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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