she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
