He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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