she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
