I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
