That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
