I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
