Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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