this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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