You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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