I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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