My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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