I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
