god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
