Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
