You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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