If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
