So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
