you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
