google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
