Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
