is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
