Welp...herpes.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
