I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
