I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we're making bets on your personal life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
