We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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