I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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