i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
