think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
