Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So squirting runs in the family.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
