I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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