After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
