i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
