At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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