do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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