if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
