Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
