True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's rum buckets o'clock
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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