Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
