My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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