So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
