You really coming over, don't trick.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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