I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
