So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
