some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
