I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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