It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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