We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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