he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
