We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
