My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we made out on top of his cat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
