I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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